You are here: Home > lobster christmas gifts > Lindy Little Joe Fish Handling Glove Advice

GhostWriter August 8, 2011 at 4:19 pm

Marie Therese that is PRETTY!! Just leave out the – because it makes it look cluttered, and it can still be a full first name if you wanted. Wow, I just love that!

ghost orchid August 9, 2011 at 4:05 am

Hi there,Here are my thoughts – use them or trash them as you see fit!1. Show Don’t TellOne of the important rules of writing is “Show, don’t tell.” For example, let’s say you want your reader to know that a character named Jim is quite tall. Rather than saying, “Jim was a tall man”, it’s better to say something like “Jim ducked under the doorway…”, “Mr. Jackson gazed up at him smugly”, or “Jim was self-conscious as they strode through the low museum rooms; he had a good two feet on everyone else…” One example from your intro would be saying that Virginia is 26. You could instead say, “she was driving in a car built for twenty-somethings” or “her twenties were being steadily invaded by her psychiatry practice”, etc. A big one is saying that Virginia wants to please her parents – this is definitely something that should be shown – by her hurt reaction to any dismissal or disapproval, by her eagerness to clean a house before they show up or to figure out ways to discuss her achievements, etc.2. Reader TrustKeep in mind that most readers don’t need to know how tall a character is at all, and certainly not in the first ten pages, in which you should give people a feel for the personalities and relationships between the characters. You have plenty of time to toss small details at the reader – spread them out throughout the book. The first few pages shouldn’t be overly clotted with a grocery list of details as each new character is introduced. You’d be surprised the kind of subtle details a reader will notice – they’ll get the point! And in general, you should never tell the reader the name of a character – it may just seem lazy. You can easily reveal full names by having other characters say them.3. Take Your TimeBy this, I mean – you’ve tried to pack a huge amount of psychological details about “Dad” into one paragraph. Normal people don’t usually speak that way – they never, generally, have the ability to say things clearly. They’ll stutter and stammer a bit. That’s why they swear or say things like “I swear to god!” For example:”I mean…ugh! He’s just trying to hijack the one day – no, make that the two days – when he can’t be this – this absolute *dictator* of the whole family. I swear, he’s having some kind of delayed reaction to the divorce, like some weird teenage rebellion, but forty years late.”4. Engagement RingsThese come up way, way too often. I suggest going with something like “She didn’t notice the bruise forming on her finger from the steering wheel being clenched into her ring.” Whatever, I’m just picky.5. TRUST TRUST TRUST!I’m saying this again because it’s so important. Before I got to the “I’m sorry” paragraph, I had already figured out that “Dad” was bringing some new romantic partner to a wedding, which was going to cause some family drama with his divorced wife. You don’t need to have one of your characters remind us – especially because real people, who both know things, don’t usually discuss it as though it’s news. For example, take a family whose parent has died – they won’t discuss, years later, how that parent died as though they need to inform each other. If anything, you can put something like:”It’s just…who does that? Who brings some girl – she might as well be our sister, I hope you realize – to one of these things? Where everyone will see?”Note:“Seven.’“What?”“The gate number. It’s seven.”I love that. In a very subtle way, through dialogue, you’ve given me the impression that Virginia is really in her own headspace right now – she isn’t actually focused on the person she’s talking to, she’s too sucked into the issue with her dad. Anyway, the key is, writers usually do a lot more describing and a lot less showing, and it should be the other way round! I think that showing make the writing more interesting, more involving, and more invisible – you won’t feel like you’re being told a story, you’ll feel like you’re *in* a story!Also, in the end, your work is your work – these are my thoughts, but anyone else will probably tell you something totally different. I’m picky, I’m rigid, and I’m extremely tough on writing, so please take everything I say with a grain of salt. I’m just a nobody on Yahoo!Anyway, best of luck as a writer & happy revising!

kahlan nynaeve® August 9, 2011 at 4:03 pm

it is an example of onomatopoeia. onomatopoeia is the naming of a thing or action by a vocal imitation of the sound associated with it. it is conveying a feeling or a meaning without specifically expressing itvisit the link below:http://landolulu.blogspot.com/2007/02/summer-remembered.html

froggy_mousie August 10, 2011 at 4:17 am

Jitterbug is just another name for Lindy Hop, which were both danced in the 30’s and 40’s to Big Band Swing music. As the tempos changed with the arrival of Jump Blues the Lindy Hop was simplified from an 8 count to a 6 count basic. That was the basis for East coast swing or Jive. As the music continued into early rock and roll east coast swing stuck around for a while before dying out. But that’s the style you’re describing.Although you might eventually find it more interesting to be able to switch back and forth between Lindy and Swing because you’ll have a lot more options available to you… since they come from the same place, there’s a lot of overlap. Plus, Lindy Hop scenes are a lot cheaper as organizations are typically grass roots and not formal dance studio instruction.